I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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