ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
