There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
