I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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