I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
