Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
my liver is dry heaving
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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