i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
