I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
