cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
