Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
