so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
