we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize