NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
