Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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