He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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