i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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