Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
