Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
