...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
