Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(417): View more from Missouri

He has such a weird drunk-voice.

(1-417): View more from Missouri

dude, he's deaf.

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(505): View more from New Mexico

i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.

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(517): View more from Michigan

I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...

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(908): View more from New Jersey

was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.

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(937): View more from Ohio

Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.

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(925): View more from California

Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?

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(713): View more from Texas

Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?

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(256): View more from Alabama

I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.

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(303): View more from Colorado

like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad

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