Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
a search helicopter?!
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Randomize
