Where did you get a picture of my penis
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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