I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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