I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
