dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
