i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
