I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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