you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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