we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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