thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
