covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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