I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
