I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
