Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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