Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
