DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
