Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
