I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
