dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He shit in the fireplace
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
