found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
