The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
