can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
