Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
