Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
