I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
