this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
