Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
