The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
