I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
