Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
