God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
