how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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