Apparently you make a good broom.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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