I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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