making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
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