She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
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