they need to just BURY HIM!
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
