they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
