Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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