you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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