look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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