he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
