cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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