return my video game
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
