She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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