I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
