I'm so fucking centered right now
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
