4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
from now on my penis is your penis
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
