Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
