I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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