The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
