he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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